Our brains our fascinating, colorful and relatively unknown when it comes to what they can conjure up. Not only do our imaginations have the power to create entire worlds as elaborate as a Game Of Thrones novel, but when it comes to sexual fantasies the possibilities for what arouses is is truly limitless — and often only stunted by what we've been socialised to see as shameful or wrong.
In a society that praises heterosexual, monogamous experiences, it's common to wonder if your fantasies are "normal." Sex Educator Eleni Gabrielides says "fantasies are a wonderful tool to spark arousal" and even if you think our fantasy is weird and abnormal, simply thinking about something isn't your subconscious telling you that it’s something you want to do IRL.
"A fantasy can be anything from imagining feeling romantic emotions during sex to the kinkiest thing you could possibly think of. And, yes, your weird and wonderful fantasy is normal," says Gabrielides.
Fantasies can help us to:
- rehearse experiences
- try things out without committing to them IRL
- keep desires in pristine condition without the awkwardness of real sex
- provide relief from the roles we act in day to day life and play as far as our imagination will take us.
In a recent survey of the flossy audience (2K people, 96% women), here were the top 12 most common fantasies:
"Bondage... the idea of no control"- 80%
"Group sex" - 80%
"My male bestie/housemate"- 77%
"Being with a women even though in a relationship with a man" - 76%
"Being disrespected" - 75%
"My teacher" - 70%
"Coming home to naked partner"- 69%
"Exhibitionism/strangers catching me" - 68%
"Threesome with male friends (male, male, female)" - 65%
"Consensual non consent" - 61%
"Wanting to call your partner daddy" - 53%
"My close female friends" - 51%
Even if your fantasy is not on this list, it STILL doesn't mean it's abnormal. Taking the time to explore your fantasies shame-free can be a brilliant way to connect with your imagination and what arouses you. It's important to keep in mind that your sexuality is not determined by your fantasies. If you do play out a fantasy, keep safety front of mind (just like any sexual experience!).