Why we Need to Stop Calling Libido 'High or 'Low'

Why we Need to Stop Calling Libido 'High or 'Low'

As humans, we are hard-wired to want to put things into neat boxes with distinct labels, but when it comes to sex and sexuality, there are about a million little factors that contribute to our relationship to self and to partner(s) that simply won't fit into a box... no matter how hard you try. This binary mindset around libido - either you have it or you don't have it - eliminates the MANY different things that contribute to our experiences of arousal and desire.

Libido, drive and desire - why labels are limiting our pleasure potential

How many times have you heard the terms "high libido" and "low libido" thrown around? Maybe you've even assigned yourself completely to one category thinking "ah, well I just have low libido," and that's the end of thinking there's anything you can do to change it.

As humans, we are hard-wired to want to put things into neat boxes with distinct labels, but when it comes to sex and sexuality, there are about a million little factors that contribute to our relationship to self and to partner(s) that simply won't fit into a box... no matter how hard you try. This binary mindset around libido - either you have it or you don't have it - eliminates the MANY different things that contribute to our experiences of arousal and desire. Furthermore, focusing on if we inherently crave or don't crave sex, the actual experience and enjoyment of sex can be overlooked.

How does desire actually work?

Sex Ed, Hollywood and societal norms continue to reinforce stereotypes that the desire to have sex typically hits like a  when in reality many people experience desire that only emerges in response to sexual pleasure. Here's one helpful way to unpack spontaneous vs. responsive desire:

  • Spontaneous desire: partner A sees partner B step out of the shower, and just from seeing partner B's naked body, partner A starts thinking about having sex. This mental switch ON causes increased blood-flow to the genitals. If partner B (freshly out of the shower) was keen, partner A would likely be ready for action right then and there!
  • Responsive desire: partner B steps out of the shower, sees partner A laying on the bed and thinks, "I should take the trash out." It's not until partner A starts gently stroking partner B's back when they get into bed that partner A starts thinking "oooh that feels kinda good." This stimulus creates space for more positive feelings of sexual desire but in response to the pleasurable stimuli.

Spontaneous desire is by no means inherently "better" that responsive desire, and not mutually exclusive; sometimes you might feel lightening bolts, something you might need to experience feelings of pleasure before feeling ready to have sex.

Note: current research on the topic of desire is still quite limited and needs to be expanded beyond heterosexual relationships of cisgender people.

Desire, regardless of type, is not the only measure of sexual wellbeing

Emily Nagoski, Ph.D, and author of the New York Times bestseller Come As You Are explains, "it’s the fun — not the desire — that matters. Wanting sex is not the central feature of sexual wellbeing. The central feature of sexual wellbeing is: Liking the sex you have."

By fixating on labels like libido, drive, and desire, the actual experience of sex is often overlooked. Nagoski explains how "focusing on whether or not you CRAVE sex often distracts from whether or not you ENJOY sex."

Sexual wellbeing is not about

  • your drive, libido or desire type
  • how much sex you have
  • what you do while having sex
  • who you have sex with
  • where you have sex

Sexual wellbeing is about

  • pleasure: how much you enjoy the sex you are having!

Refocusing on how you experience sex

Labeling helps us compartmentalise. Labels help us make sense of ourselves and others by categorising into "I am not this" and "you are that." Labels also convey that something is absolute; missing out on all the many aspects and complexities that make us human.

Shifting away from labels like libido and drive and towards the experience of sex is a fundamental first step to creating safe spaces where we can explore our own unique experiences of pleasure.

Start by reflecting on what kinds of sexual experiences have felt most pleasurable to you in the past? What about experience that haven't felt so pleasurable? Beyond just your accelerators and brakes to sexual desire, what makes you feel comfortable and safe with your partner(s) during sex? Exploring your own pleasure and facilitating regular, open, and honest communication with your partner taking into consideration the many different unique aspects that contribute to desire and enjoyment is far more helpful than assigning a label that will end up doing more harm than good for your pleasure potential.

As Nagoski says, "pleasure is the measure."

5 comments

New York

New York

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Hi, my name is Eric and I’m betting you’d like your website feelflossy.com to generate more leads.

Here’s how:
Talk With Web Visitor is a software widget that’s works on your site, ready to capture any visitor’s Name, Email address and Phone Number. It signals you as soon as they say they’re interested – so that you can talk to that lead while they’re still there at feelflossy.com.

Talk With Web Visitor – CLICK HERE https://jumboleadmagnet.com for a live demo now.

And now that you’ve got their phone number, our new SMS Text With Lead feature enables you to start a text (SMS) conversation – answer questions, provide more info, and close a deal that way.

If they don’t take you up on your offer then, just follow up with text messages for new offers, content links, even just “how you doing?” notes to build a relationship.

CLICK HERE https://jumboleadmagnet.com to discover what Talk With Web Visitor can do for your business.

The difference between contacting someone within 5 minutes versus a half-hour means you could be converting up to 100X more leads today!

Try Talk With Web Visitor and get more leads now.

Eric
PS: The studies show 7 out of 10 visitors don’t hang around – you can’t afford to lose them!
Talk With Web Visitor offers a FREE 14 days trial – and it even includes International Long Distance Calling.
You have customers waiting to talk with you right now… don’t keep them waiting.
CLICK HERE https://jumboleadmagnet.com to try Talk With Web Visitor now.

If you’d like to unsubscribe click here http://jumboleadmagnet.com/unsubscribe.aspx?d=feelflossy.com

New York

New York

Good day,

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What for?

Part of my job is to check out websites and the work you’ve done with feelflossy.com definitely stands out.

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There is, however, a catch… more accurately, a question…

So when someone like me happens to find your site – maybe at the top of the search results (nice job BTW) or just through a random link, how do you know?

More importantly, how do you make a connection with that person?

Studies show that 7 out of 10 visitors don’t stick around – they’re there one second and then gone with the wind.

Here’s a way to create INSTANT engagement that you may not have known about…

Talk With Web Visitor is a software widget that’s works on your site, ready to capture any visitor’s Name, Email address and Phone Number. It lets you know INSTANTLY that they’re interested – so that you can talk to that lead while they’re literally checking out feelflossy.com.

CLICK HERE https://jumboleadmagnet.com to try out a Live Demo with Talk With Web Visitor now to see exactly how it works.

It could be a game-changer for your business – and it gets even better… once you’ve captured their phone number, with our new SMS Text With Lead feature, you can automatically start a text (SMS) conversation – immediately (and there’s literally a 100X difference between contacting someone within 5 minutes versus 30 minutes.)

Plus then, even if you don’t close a deal right away, you can connect later on with text messages for new offers, content links, even just follow up notes to build a relationship.

Everything I’ve just described is simple, easy, and effective.

CLICK HERE https://jumboleadmagnet.com to discover what Talk With Web Visitor can do for your business.

You could be converting up to 100X more leads today!

Eric
PS: Talk With Web Visitor offers a FREE 14 days trial – and it even includes International Long Distance Calling.
You have customers waiting to talk with you right now… don’t keep them waiting.
CLICK HERE https://jumboleadmagnet.com to try Talk With Web Visitor now.

If you’d like to unsubscribe click here http://jumboleadmagnet.com/unsubscribe.aspx?d=feelflossy.com

Good day,

My name is Eric and unlike a lot of emails you might get, I wanted to instead provide you with a word of encouragement – Congratulations

What for?

Part of my job is to check out websites and the work you’ve done with feelflossy.com definitely stands out.

It’s clear you took building a website seriously and made a real investment of time and resources into making it top quality.

There is, however, a catch… more accurately, a question…

So when someone like me happens to find your site – maybe at the top of the search results (nice job BTW) or just through a random link, how do you know?

More importantly, how do you make a connection with that person?

Studies show that 7 out of 10 visitors don’t stick around – they’re there one second and then gone with the wind.

Here’s a way to create INSTANT engagement that you may not have known about…

Talk With Web Visitor is a software widget that’s works on your site, ready to capture any visitor’s Name, Email address and Phone Number. It lets you know INSTANTLY that they’re interested – so that you can talk to that lead while they’re literally checking out feelflossy.com.

CLICK HERE https://jumboleadmagnet.com to try out a Live Demo with Talk With Web Visitor now to see exactly how it works.

It could be a game-changer for your business – and it gets even better… once you’ve captured their phone number, with our new SMS Text With Lead feature, you can automatically start a text (SMS) conversation – immediately (and there’s literally a 100X difference between contacting someone within 5 minutes versus 30 minutes.)

Plus then, even if you don’t close a deal right away, you can connect later on with text messages for new offers, content links, even just follow up notes to build a relationship.

Everything I’ve just described is simple, easy, and effective.

CLICK HERE https://jumboleadmagnet.com to discover what Talk With Web Visitor can do for your business.

You could be converting up to 100X more leads today!

Eric
PS: Talk With Web Visitor offers a FREE 14 days trial – and it even includes International Long Distance Calling.
You have customers waiting to talk with you right now… don’t keep them waiting.
CLICK HERE https://jumboleadmagnet.com to try Talk With Web Visitor now.

If you’d like to unsubscribe click here http://jumboleadmagnet.com/unsubscribe.aspx?d=feelflossy.com

New York

New York

Hey, this is Eric and I ran across feelflossy.com a few minutes ago.

Looks great… but now what?

By that I mean, when someone like me finds your website – either through Search or just bouncing around – what happens next? Do you get a lot of leads from your site, or at least enough to make you happy?

Honestly, most business websites fall a bit short when it comes to generating paying customers. Studies show that 70% of a site’s visitors disappear and are gone forever after just a moment.

Here’s an idea…

How about making it really EASY for every visitor who shows up to get a personal phone call you as soon as they hit your site…

You can –

Talk With Web Visitor is a software widget that’s works on your site, ready to capture any visitor’s Name, Email address and Phone Number. It signals you the moment they let you know they’re interested – so that you can talk to that lead while they’re literally looking over your site.

CLICK HERE https://jumboleadmagnet.com to try out a Live Demo with Talk With Web Visitor now to see exactly how it works.

You’ll be amazed – the difference between contacting someone within 5 minutes versus a half-hour or more later could increase your results 100-fold.

It gets even better… once you’ve captured their phone number, with our new SMS Text With Lead feature, you can automatically start a text (SMS) conversation.

That way, even if you don’t close a deal right away, you can follow up with text messages for new offers, content links, even just “how you doing?” notes to build a relationship.

Pretty sweet – AND effective.

CLICK HERE https://jumboleadmagnet.com to discover what Talk With Web Visitor can do for your business.

You could be converting up to 100X more leads today!

Eric
PS: Talk With Web Visitor offers a FREE 14 days trial – and it even includes International Long Distance Calling.
You have customers waiting to talk with you right now… don’t keep them waiting.
CLICK HERE https://jumboleadmagnet.com to try Talk With Web Visitor now.

If you’d like to unsubscribe click here http://jumboleadmagnet.com/unsubscribe.aspx?d=feelflossy.com

Hey, this is Eric and I ran across feelflossy.com a few minutes ago.

Looks great… but now what?

By that I mean, when someone like me finds your website – either through Search or just bouncing around – what happens next? Do you get a lot of leads from your site, or at least enough to make you happy?

Honestly, most business websites fall a bit short when it comes to generating paying customers. Studies show that 70% of a site’s visitors disappear and are gone forever after just a moment.

Here’s an idea…

How about making it really EASY for every visitor who shows up to get a personal phone call you as soon as they hit your site…

You can –

Talk With Web Visitor is a software widget that’s works on your site, ready to capture any visitor’s Name, Email address and Phone Number. It signals you the moment they let you know they’re interested – so that you can talk to that lead while they’re literally looking over your site.

CLICK HERE https://jumboleadmagnet.com to try out a Live Demo with Talk With Web Visitor now to see exactly how it works.

You’ll be amazed – the difference between contacting someone within 5 minutes versus a half-hour or more later could increase your results 100-fold.

It gets even better… once you’ve captured their phone number, with our new SMS Text With Lead feature, you can automatically start a text (SMS) conversation.

That way, even if you don’t close a deal right away, you can follow up with text messages for new offers, content links, even just “how you doing?” notes to build a relationship.

Pretty sweet – AND effective.

CLICK HERE https://jumboleadmagnet.com to discover what Talk With Web Visitor can do for your business.

You could be converting up to 100X more leads today!

Eric
PS: Talk With Web Visitor offers a FREE 14 days trial – and it even includes International Long Distance Calling.
You have customers waiting to talk with you right now… don’t keep them waiting.
CLICK HERE https://jumboleadmagnet.com to try Talk With Web Visitor now.

If you’d like to unsubscribe click here http://jumboleadmagnet.com/unsubscribe.aspx?d=feelflossy.com

New York

New York

Hey, this is Eric and I ran across feelflossy.com a few minutes ago.

Looks great… but now what?

By that I mean, when someone like me finds your website – either through Search or just bouncing around – what happens next? Do you get a lot of leads from your site, or at least enough to make you happy?

Honestly, most business websites fall a bit short when it comes to generating paying customers. Studies show that 70% of a site’s visitors disappear and are gone forever after just a moment.

Here’s an idea…

How about making it really EASY for every visitor who shows up to get a personal phone call you as soon as they hit your site…

You can –

Talk With Web Visitor is a software widget that’s works on your site, ready to capture any visitor’s Name, Email address and Phone Number. It signals you the moment they let you know they’re interested – so that you can talk to that lead while they’re literally looking over your site.

CLICK HERE http://talkwithwebtraffic.com to try out a Live Demo with Talk With Web Visitor now to see exactly how it works.

You’ll be amazed – the difference between contacting someone within 5 minutes versus a half-hour or more later could increase your results 100-fold.

It gets even better… once you’ve captured their phone number, with our new SMS Text With Lead feature, you can automatically start a text (SMS) conversation.

That way, even if you don’t close a deal right away, you can follow up with text messages for new offers, content links, even just “how you doing?” notes to build a relationship.

Pretty sweet – AND effective.

CLICK HERE http://talkwithwebtraffic.com to discover what Talk With Web Visitor can do for your business.

You could be converting up to 100X more leads today!

Eric
PS: Talk With Web Visitor offers a FREE 14 days trial – and it even includes International Long Distance Calling.
You have customers waiting to talk with you right now… don’t keep them waiting.
CLICK HERE http://talkwithwebtraffic.com to try Talk With Web Visitor now.

If you’d like to unsubscribe click here http://talkwithwebtraffic.com/unsubscribe.aspx?d=feelflossy.com

Hey, this is Eric and I ran across feelflossy.com a few minutes ago.

Looks great… but now what?

By that I mean, when someone like me finds your website – either through Search or just bouncing around – what happens next? Do you get a lot of leads from your site, or at least enough to make you happy?

Honestly, most business websites fall a bit short when it comes to generating paying customers. Studies show that 70% of a site’s visitors disappear and are gone forever after just a moment.

Here’s an idea…

How about making it really EASY for every visitor who shows up to get a personal phone call you as soon as they hit your site…

You can –

Talk With Web Visitor is a software widget that’s works on your site, ready to capture any visitor’s Name, Email address and Phone Number. It signals you the moment they let you know they’re interested – so that you can talk to that lead while they’re literally looking over your site.

CLICK HERE http://talkwithwebtraffic.com to try out a Live Demo with Talk With Web Visitor now to see exactly how it works.

You’ll be amazed – the difference between contacting someone within 5 minutes versus a half-hour or more later could increase your results 100-fold.

It gets even better… once you’ve captured their phone number, with our new SMS Text With Lead feature, you can automatically start a text (SMS) conversation.

That way, even if you don’t close a deal right away, you can follow up with text messages for new offers, content links, even just “how you doing?” notes to build a relationship.

Pretty sweet – AND effective.

CLICK HERE http://talkwithwebtraffic.com to discover what Talk With Web Visitor can do for your business.

You could be converting up to 100X more leads today!

Eric
PS: Talk With Web Visitor offers a FREE 14 days trial – and it even includes International Long Distance Calling.
You have customers waiting to talk with you right now… don’t keep them waiting.
CLICK HERE http://talkwithwebtraffic.com to try Talk With Web Visitor now.

If you’d like to unsubscribe click here http://talkwithwebtraffic.com/unsubscribe.aspx?d=feelflossy.com

New York

New York

Hello, my name’s Eric and I just ran across your website at feelflossy.com…

I found it after a quick search, so your SEO’s working out…

Content looks pretty good…

One thing’s missing though…

A QUICK, EASY way to connect with you NOW.

Because studies show that a web lead like me will only hang out a few seconds – 7 out of 10 disappear almost instantly, Surf Surf Surf… then gone forever.

I have the solution:

Talk With Web Visitor is a software widget that’s works on your site, ready to capture any visitor’s Name, Email address and Phone Number. You’ll know immediately they’re interested and you can call them directly to TALK with them – literally while they’re still on the web looking at your site.

CLICK HERE http://jumboleadmagnet.com to try out a Live Demo with Talk With Web Visitor now to see exactly how it works and even give it a try… it could be huge for your business.

Plus, now that you’ve got that phone number, with our new SMS Text With Lead feature, you can automatically start a text (SMS) conversation pronto… which is so powerful, because connecting with someone within the first 5 minutes is 100 times more effective than waiting 30 minutes or more later.

The new text messaging feature lets you follow up regularly with new offers, content links, even just follow up notes to build a relationship.

Everything I’ve just described is extremely simple to implement, cost-effective, and profitable.

CLICK HERE http://jumboleadmagnet.com to discover what Talk With Web Visitor can do for your business, potentially converting up to 100X more eyeballs into leads today!

Eric
PS: Talk With Web Visitor offers a FREE 14 days trial – and it even includes International Long Distance Calling.
You have customers waiting to talk with you right now… don’t keep them waiting.
CLICK HERE http://jumboleadmagnet.com to try Talk With Web Visitor now.

If you’d like to unsubscribe click here http://jumboleadmagnet.com/unsubscribe.aspx?d=feelflossy.com

Hello, my name’s Eric and I just ran across your website at feelflossy.com…

I found it after a quick search, so your SEO’s working out…

Content looks pretty good…

One thing’s missing though…

A QUICK, EASY way to connect with you NOW.

Because studies show that a web lead like me will only hang out a few seconds – 7 out of 10 disappear almost instantly, Surf Surf Surf… then gone forever.

I have the solution:

Talk With Web Visitor is a software widget that’s works on your site, ready to capture any visitor’s Name, Email address and Phone Number. You’ll know immediately they’re interested and you can call them directly to TALK with them – literally while they’re still on the web looking at your site.

CLICK HERE http://jumboleadmagnet.com to try out a Live Demo with Talk With Web Visitor now to see exactly how it works and even give it a try… it could be huge for your business.

Plus, now that you’ve got that phone number, with our new SMS Text With Lead feature, you can automatically start a text (SMS) conversation pronto… which is so powerful, because connecting with someone within the first 5 minutes is 100 times more effective than waiting 30 minutes or more later.

The new text messaging feature lets you follow up regularly with new offers, content links, even just follow up notes to build a relationship.

Everything I’ve just described is extremely simple to implement, cost-effective, and profitable.

CLICK HERE http://jumboleadmagnet.com to discover what Talk With Web Visitor can do for your business, potentially converting up to 100X more eyeballs into leads today!

Eric
PS: Talk With Web Visitor offers a FREE 14 days trial – and it even includes International Long Distance Calling.
You have customers waiting to talk with you right now… don’t keep them waiting.
CLICK HERE http://jumboleadmagnet.com to try Talk With Web Visitor now.

If you’d like to unsubscribe click here http://jumboleadmagnet.com/unsubscribe.aspx?d=feelflossy.com

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